Text: Against cold and sorrow

“Against cold and sorrow”

Friends

When you stumble and fall they will be there to pick you up, lending a hand.

When you are standing out there in the cold,
They will open their door to let you inside, to keep you warm.

When the tears are rolling down your cheeks and it feels like nothing will be okay.
Your friends will be there to wrap their arms around you, telling you ‘Everything will be alright.”

They will be the ones to cheer you up, when you’re down and feeling low.

They might make you cry, but rest assure that a true friend will stand by your side through cold and sorrowful nights you wouldn’t get through alone.

And more than anything they will be the ones to make you smile.

Story one: Christmas

I’m sitting in my kitchen looking out through my window. Looking at the snow hitting the porch and the windows; it’s early in the morning the sun has yet to rise. I’m just sitting here, gazing out on the lake, the mountains and the forest that surrounds my house. Just sitting, drinking ice cold milk in my newly bought wine glasses.

Last night I had one of my parties, this time of year a Christmas party, for my friends and their families, husbands, wife's, partners, children. It where around thirty people here last night, celebrating Christmas Eve, not counting the waiters, chefs and other staff members. You see when throwing parties like this I take help from my restaurants, and for once my brother was not in the kitchen. He is working with me in one of the restaurants. For once he and his wife could enjoy the party, without him having to work. But to my despair their daughter Sarah, is with our mother tonight. Since she, our mother, is going away the day after tomorrow… rehab once again.

In just a few hours the others will wake up, we’ll eat and then open presents. That means that in about an hour, Jane and Jimmy’s coming to help me serve breakfast. Making breakfast for thirty people isn’t that hard, at least not in my kitchen. But getting them all breakfast is the hard part. And since I don’t want to bother my friends… either way you’re maybe wondering how I can have thirty people sleeping here, aren’t you?

Well a couple of years ago I took some time to figure out what I wanted to do in life, I got back to school and with savings and a loan I started my first restaurant, together with my brother. And it didn’t go great from the beginning but after some struggles our restaurant got nice reviews and we got big. Now 15 years later we have restaurants all over the world, Spain, France, China, Japan, Australia amongst other.
During the years in school and up starting of the restaurants I didn’t find time for friends or family. Sure I did have a few loose relationships with both men and women. But I never got close, never let them know ‘real’ me. And now you all think of me as an evil bitch or a player of sort. And I guess I am. But can’t handle my own family, not a boyfriend or girlfriend for that matter, nor can I handle to have my own child. Taking care of my nieces, nephews and friends children isn’t that hard, I love children and they love Aunt Sandra. I can spoil them rotten without having to deal with the punishment when they don’t clean their rooms or don’t do their homework, because that’s the parent’s job. Not the cool Aunts.
And no there isn’t something wrong with how I look, I can’t complain about being rejected and that’s why I don’t have a ‘real’ relationship. But I just don’t want it; I am not built for relationships on that level.

I am happy with my life, I fulfilled my dream to open my own restaurant, I have my dream house where I can entertain all my friends and their families. And speaking about entertaining friends, my old friend came back to town with his wife and child, all the way from Australia. I hadn’t seen them since I opened the restaurant in Sydney, four years ago. Their daughter is turning out to be quite the beauty, I adore her. They also brought some of our other friends from Australia. I feel happy when I see them.
And some of my friends from England came, with their families. It feels nice seeing everyone again. It’s been such a long time since we last met all of us together like this. This is one of the best Christmas I have ever spent.

“Aunt Sandra?” A small girl, just around five walked into the kitchen.
“Hi there honey, what are you doing up so early? Is mommy and daddy still asleep?”
“I couldn’t sleep any longer. Yes they're still asleep.”
“You want some milk and cookies?” I asked and walked over to the fridge.
“Yes please.” I smiled at her as she took a seat next to where I sat. “Auntie?”
“Yes dear?” I pored her some milk and took out the cookie jar I kept next to the fridge and handed her a cookie.
“Did Santa come during the night?”
“Of course he did. He even ate all the cookies we made him.”
“Hey auntie, got any milk for the rest of us?” I turned and watched as my two nephews, my niece and three of my friends’ kids walk in.
“Well I can even make you guys some hot chocolate and then we can watch some TV before your parents wake up.” They all shined up and smiled at me. “Now why don’t you go out and watch TV and I’ll come with the chocolate in a minute.”
“Yay!” They rushed out of the kitchen.
“Kids.” I smiled as I brought out some more milk and the chocolate.

“Sandra?”
“Yes?” I looked down at the boy in my knee, he have just turned four.
“This is the best Christmas, ever!”
“Yes auntie, let’s spend all the Christmas here!” My youngest nephew said.
“You won’t be saying that in a few years, Tim. Trust me you won’t.” They all said they wanted to spend their Christmas at my house, since they could be with their families and their friends at the same time. I just nodded in agreement.

No country for old men

Just watched "No country for old men" staring - Tommy Lee Jones, Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin, at first I never thought I would actually see this movie, brushed is off as "Not my type of film." But after getting the order to get the movie and that we would see it later today I really didn't have much say in the matter - Mind you I did mix it up with a completely different movie when the guys started talking about it yesterday/day before.
And I must say it was a good film, worth watching no doubts. What got me to like this movie most were that it was a quite movie, no music in the background, nothing to suggest what would be in store. Usually no music means you lose the 'flow' of the movie some-what, but this little over two hour film, never once felt slow or that nothing where happening - even when nothing really was happening it was okay. And it was some-what of an "open"-ending, sure you get a closure but there are still some loose ends, and for once that doesn't bother me.

Well -even though it's almost 23:00 over I'm gonna take a shower and then the bed awaits.

So long for now
At the keys
Sam

Sexuality - Right or wrong?!

I've just been notified about just how wrong my feelings( and as he said needs) towards the women I've loved were, how the devil have planted those feelings in my mind. Seriously, I thought I would fall of my chair at least once, so much did I laugh (Or rather it started as laughter then I had a coughing fit, still sick). I thought I knew this man, but how during these years I could have missed the fact that he believed so strongly is beyond me.

During the last two hours he have told me how wrong he thinks my sexuality is, that he can't understand how I can have the same feelings towards a woman as I have towards a man. He has a real hard time understanding how someone can love someone of the same sex, or rather the thing he has a problem for is the fact that he can't understand how someone can have sexual feelings towards someone of the same sex and actually enjoy doing sexual things with someone of the same sex.

And I'm a little sorry to say that I don't see him in the same light anymore, he's almost like a complete different person now then last time I spoke to him. I won't shut him out of my life, he respects me and as long as he does that and don't try, again, to convince me that I live my life in sin I'll consider him a friend.

Well now I have to get something to eat because I have no energy left - I hate being sick!
At the keys
Sam

Feeling welcome

Oh how I love my family - really they throw away things that are mine without asking me if I want them, putting my things away when I told them I would come get them in a week or so - and then they ask why I don't want to spend time with them!?

I love my family I do - but I guess that's just because I have to more then anything right now. Having a mother that destroyed my childhood, a father that was never there (both because mother wouldn't let him and because he didn't try enough), and a brother who has no respect for what's mine....

*sigh* I was hoping today would be a fairly good day but as it is right now, I have little hope of it going the "right" way from here...

Hope you have a better day then my morning where...

At the keys
Sam