Today 121012

Fall

I got in! Hehe, I knew the possibility of not getting in was very low but still it's me I still have the tendency to look at the negative. Though I am getting better at looking at the positive in things, but you know old habits die hard and all that jazz.

I'm typing his while waiting for my meeting with my social secretary, it feels a bit strange today.

Will be getting my ID today and get our tickets for the concert, Iron Maiden in June. 

So I know why it feels strange, I'm happy. I, in general, feel satisfied which a "strange" feeling since I haven't experienced it all that much. 

It's autumn now, meaning its really beautiful outside which just adds to my happiness. Despite the sad things that has happened during this "season" in the past I still adore it. 

After this month I will have finished a couple of my debts, yet another big step in the right direction. 

In little over a month I will be starting school, 40 weeks and I should have an education that actually qualifies me for different jobs, so in a year I could be working. 

I need another word for strange.

It feels, odd (?) to have things fall in place, I know I've worked a lot to get here and that I have had my mishaps and those things have changed me- not always for the better, but it has changed me. And over all I am happy with who I am today, sure there's a couple of things I would like to work on and that's alright.  

Everything in my life is NOT good, but as far as I can see everything is OK and from there I can work with it. One thing at the time. 

Back home again, after about ten months, feels a bit strange being here. It's so familiar and yet so much has changed, the new things that have been built, the people and I guess mostly me.
I am very happy where I live but it's really nice to be back home. I got asked on the first day back: So when are you moving back home?
If I would move back it would probably be first in a couple of years, at the earliest. I love it here, but it so much nicer to "just" be visiting.
I miss my friends and my family, but I have moved closer even if it now is a 2hour ride via bus and train / 1 and 1/2 hours via car so I will try and visit more often now - I will not wait 10 months to come back home this time.

So it's my birthday in 17 days, turning 24, it feels a bit odd but you know one apparently keeps getting older each year - for some odd reason. I thought I just turned 18 but it's been a while since then *chuckles*
and from the looks of it I will actually have some visitors this year, unlike last year when it was me, my aunt, her husband and his mother (though it was very nice either way!!!).

So why am I back home? House sitting and taking care off/watching my grandmothers cats, she's visiting my uncle and his family :) so one week back home is really nice (so far, third day here). Took my first swim in two years the evening I got here, and from the looks of it there might be a couple more chances to go swimming later this week :)

Going over to my family later today :) Meeting with my childhood friend/"sister" and her baby boy tomorrow ^^ Saturday it's "Cosplay meet-up" in the park. Oh and Friday is set for hanging out with friends as well.

I general I am feeling really great (= a bit strange to say and actually mean it, but it's a good strange.

Well I will try and think of something to do before dad comes to pick me up so bye for now!

With love
Sam

Guess what?

So it's been a while since I wrote, well anything to be honest. So many things, and a bit of nothing, has happen since I wrote in January.


Firstly I am living with Him now, we are still in an open-relationship and I have been active on a date-site and might be going on a date soon.

I am currently doing well, I am to start  vocational training soon(*). I will apply for school, education is key to getting jobs - especially when one doesn't have any kind of experience with working.

Tonight on the other hand, I am feeling a bit down, not sure why just one of those days. Missing people, missing my cats and all that shit. 

Might be updating on my other blog this coming week, since I have a couple of pages written about things I have mention over there before. 

Well then, for now I hope everyone is doing alright and I hope to be a little more active from now on.

With love

Sam

*Not sure I have actually translated it properly but lets hope I did.

Some sort of explanation or whatever

I feel the need to redo, or rather explain my last blogpost, since it apparently got some upset and even worried.

First I should explain Why I wrote anything in the first place, I have for the last year and a half been asked so many times what the relationship I have with him really is about, many of our friends have asked why it's that we are together at all. People ask why we have an open relationship and what it really means.

And the combination of getting asked the same questions so many times, lack of sleep and well be being a bitch is rarely the best thing for anything going well in my life.

//sighs// So lets explain somethings then; we like each other, like spending time together and after sometime fooling around some time ago we became what we are today, and the only real reason we actually put a label on this relationship was because I felt the pressure from other people.

And I did get a comment on my last post; “Don't take me wrong but are you really sure that this is what you want and not what he wants? Open relationship is not for all, there is only a few that can handle this sort of relationship. Still it's your choice in the end and if that makes you happy, go for it.”

And to be honest what I really want is just a silly dream //shrugs// It works so why must I defend it to everyone all the time? //shakes head// It's not a what most calls “normal” but you know what, normal is just not really what I do, if you haven't noticed already. //chuckles// Even if I often strive for normal.

So yeah, not sure this even explained anything, as usual with my post I guess. //sigh// I think I will shut down this blog. Not sure it's giving me anything anymore.

Maybe another time

//Sam

Just felt I needed to write this.

I love him. I am his best friend, his lover and I'll be there whenever he needs me.

What we have might change over time, we might find other lovers, but I will always love him, even if that love change.

I wish he and I could have a life together, I miss having him next to me when I wake in the morning, sex is great but it's a bonus, if I had to choose between having him as a lover or live with my best friend I would choose the latter. He has been the constant in my life for the past years, even if I had no one else to trust or turn to, I had him. He was the lifeboat in the storms of my life. I have loved a few others before him and during the times we were just friends, though since I realized I loved him more then my best friend my love have been constant, I might have hated him at times, wished he would leave me alone but I have loved him just the same.

The best friend in me wants him to find that special someone and the lover in me wishes that would be me.

I am in conflict with myself many times, but the love, respect, compassion and happiness I feel for him have stayed the same.

People have asked me if there's been others, if I really have loved him for theses last years of our lifes, and I have been intressted in others I have but the love I have for him is greater, ”So why do you settle for an open relationship”, I didn't settle for one, this is what he wanted so this is what it is. And that might sound like I settled, and if I have I am alright with it, and I never asked to be anything else either...

I get to be with the man I love above anything in this world and he is my best friend, how can I not be happy with what I have?