Two weeks

It's been two week of this new year and right now I feel utterly useless.
I want to do things I just can't get myself to do them, which makes me feel bad which in turn makes me less likely to do anything - This wonderful circle of Shit.

Stressing over things I really don't even need to stress about!
GAH! I want to say I hate my life - it's the go to thing for me. But I don't. I just hate that I am in this situation and I am not sure what to do to get myself out of it.

My partner tries, and I love him for it. But he shouldn't have to drag me or nag at me for me to do things. It's not right.

I'm in a state of self loathing right now. I want to bury myself in sweets and soda - I can at least say I had maybe one bottle of soda in the last 13 days, which is maybe a sixth of what I drank before. Go progress! Or something.

Still need to exercise. I want to say get back to it - but I am not sure it's "going back to it" when it was never really something I did enough.

Period and low days are NOT a good combination. GAH!

"Feel-Better-About-Myself-In-All-Ways"

Lets get started!

Today is the start of "Feel-Better-About-Myself-In-All-Ways" *chuckles*

Small changes that will make me feel better about myself and my life, little things that really isn't much change from how it is now yet when this year is over I hope to be - not a "better" person, I want to be me. More of me.
Be proud of what I have done, proud of who I am and looking forward to whatever the future will throw my way - Knowing I will survive, I have people that care for me. People that won't judge me if I stumble or even if I fall.

I have learnt that I pressure myself way to much, especially with telling people things I want to try and do for myself - So I will not go in to specifics about WHAT I am going to do but I want to tell others I am giving myself the chance to be 'better' (I really dislike that term for this, but I can't think of a word that would convey what I want to say).

I have several goals for me to get to, some bigger than others but over all they will make me feel more content with myself and my place in this world. I have several things I need to work on within myself as well as thing about my appearance and things around me.

There will be challenges, there will come hardship and I'll want to throw everything out the window but that's when my partner gets to shake some sense back into me. *smiles* I am not doing this alone.

No more "Me against the world"! I am NOT alone.

One thing I did start over a month ago is my writing and I have over 21k words so far and a side story  of a couple of thousand words going right now. I took a 'break' over the holidays, I will NOT push myself with this. This is also something I do to feel better about myself - when I get comments, bookmarks and kudos that makes me feel better but it's not the reason I write, it's a great bonus though.

With that I will hope you all had a great holiday and that this new year will bring at least as much happiness as it might bring you sadness or hardship.

With love
Sam