Some sort of explanation or whatever

I feel the need to redo, or rather explain my last blogpost, since it apparently got some upset and even worried.

First I should explain Why I wrote anything in the first place, I have for the last year and a half been asked so many times what the relationship I have with him really is about, many of our friends have asked why it's that we are together at all. People ask why we have an open relationship and what it really means.

And the combination of getting asked the same questions so many times, lack of sleep and well be being a bitch is rarely the best thing for anything going well in my life.

//sighs// So lets explain somethings then; we like each other, like spending time together and after sometime fooling around some time ago we became what we are today, and the only real reason we actually put a label on this relationship was because I felt the pressure from other people.

And I did get a comment on my last post; “Don't take me wrong but are you really sure that this is what you want and not what he wants? Open relationship is not for all, there is only a few that can handle this sort of relationship. Still it's your choice in the end and if that makes you happy, go for it.”

And to be honest what I really want is just a silly dream //shrugs// It works so why must I defend it to everyone all the time? //shakes head// It's not a what most calls “normal” but you know what, normal is just not really what I do, if you haven't noticed already. //chuckles// Even if I often strive for normal.

So yeah, not sure this even explained anything, as usual with my post I guess. //sigh// I think I will shut down this blog. Not sure it's giving me anything anymore.

Maybe another time

//Sam

Just felt I needed to write this.

I love him. I am his best friend, his lover and I'll be there whenever he needs me.

What we have might change over time, we might find other lovers, but I will always love him, even if that love change.

I wish he and I could have a life together, I miss having him next to me when I wake in the morning, sex is great but it's a bonus, if I had to choose between having him as a lover or live with my best friend I would choose the latter. He has been the constant in my life for the past years, even if I had no one else to trust or turn to, I had him. He was the lifeboat in the storms of my life. I have loved a few others before him and during the times we were just friends, though since I realized I loved him more then my best friend my love have been constant, I might have hated him at times, wished he would leave me alone but I have loved him just the same.

The best friend in me wants him to find that special someone and the lover in me wishes that would be me.

I am in conflict with myself many times, but the love, respect, compassion and happiness I feel for him have stayed the same.

People have asked me if there's been others, if I really have loved him for theses last years of our lifes, and I have been intressted in others I have but the love I have for him is greater, ”So why do you settle for an open relationship”, I didn't settle for one, this is what he wanted so this is what it is. And that might sound like I settled, and if I have I am alright with it, and I never asked to be anything else either...

I get to be with the man I love above anything in this world and he is my best friend, how can I not be happy with what I have?