Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Meaning that it's celebration time over here. Openings of presents. Eating good food with families and friends.
So how am I spending my Christmas Eve? From 7-12 I am doing laundry. Then I am going to my cousins place and changing gifts and hanging out with them :) Christmas with children are awesome. After that, I'm hanging out with a couple of friends. :) Looking forward to tomorrow ^^
This will be my first Christmas that I can't see my mother. It is not the first Christmas I spend without her, but it will be the first Christmas that I can't even go see her before or after whatever I do on Christmas Eve.
It's feeling a little harder then I thought it would be. I can only compare it to when my grandfather passed, but he passed just a few weeks before Christmas and the funeral was in the days between Christmas and New years.
Still I do love Christmas.
That's it for now.
Laters and Merry Christmas to all
with love
Sandra
Dec 23, 2010
Dec 10, 2010
A good day
I get to throw away loads of stuff today, thanks to a lot of help from a friend, actually they're two that's helping me but one of them have the car and the trailer :) I am very thankful that he could make it.
Hopefully most of the stuff we're not keeping will be gone by the end of the day. Doubt it all will be gone, but having some gone is a weight of my chest.
And when it's done I get to take up the tree and decorate my room for Christmas :) Really looking forward to this Sunday :D
Speaking of Sunday, I need to find my Christmas wrapping paper. I have presents to wrap, one especially for Sunday :)
I'll update later how it turned out :) Bye for now.
With love
Sam
Hopefully most of the stuff we're not keeping will be gone by the end of the day. Doubt it all will be gone, but having some gone is a weight of my chest.
And when it's done I get to take up the tree and decorate my room for Christmas :) Really looking forward to this Sunday :D
Speaking of Sunday, I need to find my Christmas wrapping paper. I have presents to wrap, one especially for Sunday :)
I'll update later how it turned out :) Bye for now.
With love
Sam
Dec 9, 2010
Just not...(add)
*sigh* Just not really up for this. It's getting awfully hard.
I miss my best friend. I miss my mother. I wish I was stronger. I wish these things didn't effect me.
I *sigh* just...I'm trying so hard to see the big picture. But it's getting hard seeing through tear-filled eyes.
A part of me is missing, a part left with her
another part leaves me every time you do
Tears rolling down my cheeks
sometimes for no reason
other times for a good one
I smile
though there is no happiness there
I laugh...
at how it all turned out
There's happy times
It's just so hard to see
with my vision all blurred
I miss my best friend. I miss my mother. I wish I was stronger. I wish these things didn't effect me.
I *sigh* just...I'm trying so hard to see the big picture. But it's getting hard seeing through tear-filled eyes.
A part of me is missing, a part left with her
another part leaves me every time you do
Tears rolling down my cheeks
sometimes for no reason
other times for a good one
I smile
though there is no happiness there
I laugh...
at how it all turned out
There's happy times
It's just so hard to see
with my vision all blurred
Dec 8, 2010
Update
Been feeling a little worse to wear for a couple of days. Getting better now. I hope. Finished my assignment for school earlier today, had a friend check it over before I sent it in. As longs as I pass I'm good. I should be trying more,I should be getting A's but right now I can't be bothered to.
And that's just sad in an out of itself.
Paid two of the three rents today. Glad most of it's out of the way.
Looking forward to this Sunday. Even if I'm starting to regret some minor things about it.
Made food for me and the boys today, tasted good, which is more than I can say about most of the things I've been making as of late. I really wish I could cook for the people I love but since I don't really have the money to treat anyone to dinner it just have to wait. And the fact that none of them really have time makes it just that much harder.
Off to see the last eps of Dark Angel.
And that's just sad in an out of itself.
Paid two of the three rents today. Glad most of it's out of the way.
Looking forward to this Sunday. Even if I'm starting to regret some minor things about it.
Made food for me and the boys today, tasted good, which is more than I can say about most of the things I've been making as of late. I really wish I could cook for the people I love but since I don't really have the money to treat anyone to dinner it just have to wait. And the fact that none of them really have time makes it just that much harder.
Off to see the last eps of Dark Angel.
Dec 5, 2010
^^
Good night ;)
Feeling really good. I think it's 'cause I've spent yesterday and most of the day today with J. I've missed hanging out with him. So I slept at his place last night, first time in little over a year, had a great day yesterday. Spent a couple of hours shopping, even if it where more looking up things that we think will look good on K and Ac later when we go shopping with them. I've missed how J have a way of making me smile, for nothing really.
Spent the evening today alone, not counting the hours my younger brother spent in the other room by his computer *chuckles*, around nine I played some Wc3 with a friend for about three hours. Was really fun :) Happy he made time to play with me :)
Now I've boiled some tea, lit some candles in my room and waiting for J, he's been out with the boys tonight. They a 'Boy's night out', and I was baned. For once I wasn't 'one of the boys', which is great and a little sad as well.
Getting a little tired. Will probably not be up much longer, after J gets here.
'night people :)
love
Sammie
Feeling really good. I think it's 'cause I've spent yesterday and most of the day today with J. I've missed hanging out with him. So I slept at his place last night, first time in little over a year, had a great day yesterday. Spent a couple of hours shopping, even if it where more looking up things that we think will look good on K and Ac later when we go shopping with them. I've missed how J have a way of making me smile, for nothing really.
Spent the evening today alone, not counting the hours my younger brother spent in the other room by his computer *chuckles*, around nine I played some Wc3 with a friend for about three hours. Was really fun :) Happy he made time to play with me :)
Now I've boiled some tea, lit some candles in my room and waiting for J, he's been out with the boys tonight. They a 'Boy's night out', and I was baned. For once I wasn't 'one of the boys', which is great and a little sad as well.
Getting a little tired. Will probably not be up much longer, after J gets here.
'night people :)
love
Sammie
Dec 3, 2010
Friday yay ^^
Hilo,
Got yet another night of awesome amount of sleep! Yay! ^_^ Little annoyed at the fact I keep waking up ten minutes before my alarm will go off, thinking about setting my alarm ten minutes past the time I'm supposed to go up and maybe I'll wake up on the right time?! Hmm, who knows it might work?
Today feels like it might be a very good day. Not sure why but it's a hunch.
Leaving in like an hour, taking the bus to Stockholm to meet up J. We're going shopping, again, this time for a hat. ^^
I better try and get some food down before I leave.
with love
Sam
Got yet another night of awesome amount of sleep! Yay! ^_^ Little annoyed at the fact I keep waking up ten minutes before my alarm will go off, thinking about setting my alarm ten minutes past the time I'm supposed to go up and maybe I'll wake up on the right time?! Hmm, who knows it might work?
Today feels like it might be a very good day. Not sure why but it's a hunch.
Leaving in like an hour, taking the bus to Stockholm to meet up J. We're going shopping, again, this time for a hat. ^^
I better try and get some food down before I leave.
with love
Sam
Speaking.
When the hell did talking get so hard? I could tell you pretty much anything and everything. So when did it change? Why did it? Looks like I'm not the only one that has trouble speaking her mind.
Dec 2, 2010
A little something
So it looks like it wasn't the medicine, I do have to contact another doctor to check my blood pressure, EKG and some other things, since me passing out might be a lot of different things.
Oh and I'm so sick of myself lately, when I feel bad instead of say that I'm feeling bad I get angry or upset at the people I want to be around, the ones I want to hug me, hold my hand and tell me everything will be okay. And then that little voice in my head gets even worse telling me that none of my "so-called" friends even care about me, that they don't even care what happens to me.
But I know it's not true, that's the only thing keeping me from doing something stupid, I know my friends care. And I know they would come running if I ask, 9/10 times at least, and that's what's keeping me up.
I'm on my fourth day on the medicine, meaning what ever I feel, I feel it so many times more now then I did a couple of days ago. Any feeling is multiplied by 10 or something.
I'm very glad to have a day when I don't really have to do anything, but being alone is taking it's toll. I do need some time alone. But it's hard.
And the thing is, when I feel bad I usually need people around because I know I have a tendency to do something stupid if I am alone. Which also gives people around me the impression I'm very social, but then the times when I feel better comes around and I need to be alone. It takes so much energy being social, it's one thing being with someone and just be, like being in the same room but not doing anything together nor talking with each other, but being around people takes so much energy. I feel the need to be somewhat happy and when you're not feeling 100 that takes energy. So when I feel better I want to recuperate by being alone, and that's when people think I'm feeling bad.
Don't get me wrong, I like being around people, but not all the time, and especially not when I do actually feel great. Because when I feel great I can write, I can read, and do the things I really love. Okay now that made it even worse. Hmm, maybe I should just stop right there before I dig myself any deeper into this hellhole I've just dug.
Well that's it for now. I'll full-screen my episode of Dark Angel and try not to think to much.
//Sam
Oh and I'm so sick of myself lately, when I feel bad instead of say that I'm feeling bad I get angry or upset at the people I want to be around, the ones I want to hug me, hold my hand and tell me everything will be okay. And then that little voice in my head gets even worse telling me that none of my "so-called" friends even care about me, that they don't even care what happens to me.
But I know it's not true, that's the only thing keeping me from doing something stupid, I know my friends care. And I know they would come running if I ask, 9/10 times at least, and that's what's keeping me up.
I'm on my fourth day on the medicine, meaning what ever I feel, I feel it so many times more now then I did a couple of days ago. Any feeling is multiplied by 10 or something.
I'm very glad to have a day when I don't really have to do anything, but being alone is taking it's toll. I do need some time alone. But it's hard.
And the thing is, when I feel bad I usually need people around because I know I have a tendency to do something stupid if I am alone. Which also gives people around me the impression I'm very social, but then the times when I feel better comes around and I need to be alone. It takes so much energy being social, it's one thing being with someone and just be, like being in the same room but not doing anything together nor talking with each other, but being around people takes so much energy. I feel the need to be somewhat happy and when you're not feeling 100 that takes energy. So when I feel better I want to recuperate by being alone, and that's when people think I'm feeling bad.
Don't get me wrong, I like being around people, but not all the time, and especially not when I do actually feel great. Because when I feel great I can write, I can read, and do the things I really love. Okay now that made it even worse. Hmm, maybe I should just stop right there before I dig myself any deeper into this hellhole I've just dug.
Well that's it for now. I'll full-screen my episode of Dark Angel and try not to think to much.
//Sam
Nov 30, 2010
Bad experience
Hi,
So I took my ’sleeping’ pill for the first time in a long time last night, and I passed out, and not the nice ‘falling asleep’ passing out no this was the ‘in the middle of doing something falling down’ kind of passing out. Luckily for me I was sitting down when I passed out. When I came to I feel down to the floor, shaking and crying, because the few moments I had been out I had managed to get a nightmare, and I believe I made some very odd sounds since my brother came running asking what was going on. And there I was, apparently very pale, sitting leaning against the wall, shaking and crying hysterical.
He had to help me up, walk me over to the bed and help me off with some of my clothes. I haven’t been that scared, since…my brother called me in the middle of the night when our mother had a psychosis and I was miles away. I managed to calm down some and eventually I feel asleep.
I thought I would take those pills all nights before school days, but now I am a little afraid, and I was supposed to call my doctor this morning but I was a little busy with everything else so I forgot.
08:35 my phone rings and I wake up, my friend C is coming in a few to pick me up and drive me to school. 08:57 I’m at school, my class starts at 09:00. Had math ‘til 12:00, printed out a couple of pages for my Swedish assignment. Then I walked over to my cousins work and had breakfast/lunch with her for about 45min.
Around 13.30 I met up with J, we went shopping. Had loads of fun actually, I who usually hates shopping. I guess it’s the company ;) When we headed for the bus station we met a friend of ours that tagged along to my place for a while before going back to his driving lesson.
J and I chatted a lot, like always, watch some Bones, had dinner and it was really nice. I miss being around J, we spent a lot of time together before, hopefully we’ll see each other some more now.
My knees are hurting like hell. It’s been a long time since they hurt this much. Walking in bad shoes and cold weather will do that to me.
Oh and my other brother, the middle one, is here again. And it looks like he’ll be here for a while. And apparently there will be a LAN next week… not sure how I feel about that. I’ll try and find refugee somewhere else if it gets too much. I don’t mind it all too much since it’s not that often, but they tend to take a lot of my energy even though I’m not in the same room and all that.
Bye for now
TTYL
love Sam
love Sam
Nov 29, 2010
Monday, yawn
Hilo,
Went to the doctor this morning, I’ve started on my medicine again and I got a new one as well. So for the next two weeks or so, I will most likely get a lot worse before I start feeling better again. Just want to give everyone a heads up.
And while I’m on these meds I’m not supposed to be drinking, so no more alcohol for me for some time.
Did some other errands while I was out, feels nice to have them done. Still have a lot to do at home but it’s slowly getting to where I want.
Haven’t slept much, so I’m feeling tired and I’ve got a headache that just won’t give in-
Was supposed to meet up with my cousin ‘Gina today, but she had to work, again, I’ll try and go by her work tomorrow so we can at least see each other a little, and looks like we’re giving it a new try next week. *chuckles*
I’ll write when I got something more to say later.
With love
Sam
Sam
Nov 28, 2010
Hilo
Hilo everyone
So it’s Sunday 28th of November 2010 today, also the first Advent today, and I went to church with my grandmother. And I must say I actually enjoyed going to church.
Let me start with that my 80 year old grandmother met up with her cousin, whom I presume is around her age as well and that cousins’ neighbor and they (cousin and grandmother) told me that the neighbor was young, and when comparing to the two of them I guess she was, since she was ‘only’ 68. It was entertaining listening to them talk, especially about the people that came, ‘He’s become old hasn’t he?’, ‘Look a lot of old ladies here.’ And seriously when two 80 year olds comments that there’s ‘old ladies’ around them, you can’t not laugh.
One of the priests talked about giving each other more time to give an impression, during those 30-60sec that we give each other now is maybe just a little too short time. He also told a story, about a missionary that was out in a dessert and his Jeep broke down, so instead of waiting by the car he started walking towards the village he was headed for. Some time later he was faced with lions, before they were to close he kneeled and prayed to God to help him, a few meters from him the lions stopped. They put their paws together and thanked God for the food. – Now that was not the story I thought he would tell, but there’s always two ways to anything. And I did enjoy that story. He made some other great point, which I at the moment can’t talk about since I’m working on them on my own.
So in the middle of me writing this I’m also trying to get my room in order, which isn’t an easy task I might add. However I am getting there, slowly, eventually I’ll be able to take up the Christmas things and decorate.
I’ve booked Sunday 12th as my ‘Advent gathering’, so I have two weeks to get everything done – such as baking, cleaning and shopping.
I have however ironed the curtains and I hung them yesterday. I need to find pots for the flowers I bought the other day.
No actually it’s playing stupid games on facebook, cleaning, packing/unpacking and writing this.
Well I probably had something else to add. *shrugs* That will be another post then.
For now, be safe
With love
Sam
Nov 26, 2010
Blog "meme"
Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about.
Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. (Or possibly one post that contains opinions on all the things I've been asked.)
Repost in your own journal so that we can all learn more about each other.
Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. (Or possibly one post that contains opinions on all the things I've been asked.)
Repost in your own journal so that we can all learn more about each other.
Nov 23, 2010
It's not all that bad.
Was in school today ^^ Very happy C took it upon herself to drive me there :) Got a test on Friday, hopefully it will go just fine.
Tomorrow I have a meeting at 10 with a social worker, about the informal estate inventory deed, at 11 I have my appointment with my counselor. At 1 school starts, 3 school ends. Looks like a fairly busy day tomorrow.
Went down to the laundry room to check it was free, it looked like no one was using it when I past it on my way home from school. And it was free. So me and my brother got a couple of hours that we can get some laundry done. Which is very neat, mostly since we have it on Friday again and then I won't have to choice between what to wash, since I won't have as much on Friday.
Got a lot of things on my mind right now, I'm very glad that I haven't broken down and started hurting myself, more then the fact I have trouble going outside. I am very thankful for my friends and my family, even if I might not show it.
My mood swings been worse as of late, but I can at least say that it's not been all bad. Not really. Even though when one of the bad times comes around and I feel like there hasn't been a good thing in years, it's not all that bad.
Still not really up from hanging out with people. Not for any longer period of time. One person is fine, more not so much. Very glad I have this weekend for myself (will probably have changed my mind by Friday *chuckles* ). Will spend it with cleaning, baking and Christmas decorate ^^
Well that's what I have for now.
Have a nice day everyone.
With Love
Sam
Tomorrow I have a meeting at 10 with a social worker, about the informal estate inventory deed, at 11 I have my appointment with my counselor. At 1 school starts, 3 school ends. Looks like a fairly busy day tomorrow.
Went down to the laundry room to check it was free, it looked like no one was using it when I past it on my way home from school. And it was free. So me and my brother got a couple of hours that we can get some laundry done. Which is very neat, mostly since we have it on Friday again and then I won't have to choice between what to wash, since I won't have as much on Friday.
Got a lot of things on my mind right now, I'm very glad that I haven't broken down and started hurting myself, more then the fact I have trouble going outside. I am very thankful for my friends and my family, even if I might not show it.
My mood swings been worse as of late, but I can at least say that it's not been all bad. Not really. Even though when one of the bad times comes around and I feel like there hasn't been a good thing in years, it's not all that bad.
Still not really up from hanging out with people. Not for any longer period of time. One person is fine, more not so much. Very glad I have this weekend for myself (will probably have changed my mind by Friday *chuckles* ). Will spend it with cleaning, baking and Christmas decorate ^^
Well that's what I have for now.
Have a nice day everyone.
With Love
Sam
Nov 22, 2010
2010-11-22
Wrote the worst piece of paper ever yesterday, if I get a, um, C would be the same as our ”Godkänt” I believe, I will be surprised. That’s why one should never post pone your assignments!
Okay over to something else, I’ve been telling my friends, mainly guys, that when they do find someone they are interested in they should act on it, even if one of the other guys are interested as well. Yeah, and that kinda backfired on me. Live after your own teachings, yeah, guess I have some learning to do.
And my anxiety has gotten much worse, I can’t go outside. I’m afraid to go outside. I’m scared of going into a store. I feel nauseas when I’m meeting someone, or if I’m meeting pretty much anyone. My step suggested that I would go see a psychologist, and that idea is starting to sound better every moment that passes.
…………
Nov 14, 2010
Sunday
I met with my 'whatnot' last Friday, we've decided on a plan that hopefully will help me with this. She suggested starting on the meds again, and some new meds as well, and with meds, meeting and stability. And hopefully this will work, but since it'll get worse before better I'm gonna be feeling like shit four a couple of weeks after I start with the medicine. Though, since I know this and my friends and family knows this, I'll have to remind myself as well I'll need the help of my friends and family to remind me that it will get better.
...
//Sam
...
//Sam
Nov 10, 2010
Yeah...
So I've called the 'office' of my- whatever she is, and they would tell her my panic attacks have grown more frequent and gotten worse. She will decide if I need to see a doctor or not and she would call me. Whenever that happens I do not know.
I have to leave for school in an hour. I'm hoping it will go well. Since I have a test today and I really need this, school that is.
Hoping for better
//Sam
I have to leave for school in an hour. I'm hoping it will go well. Since I have a test today and I really need this, school that is.
Hoping for better
//Sam
Nov 9, 2010
I need help.
I need help, because I can’t go through this every time I’m going to school. It can’t work like this, and I don’t understand why it’s like this.
It starts out okay, if I wake up with just enough time for me to get dressed and leave, anything more than that and I’m in trouble. Because more time means that I get that stupid voice in my head telling me that I can’t go, I should stay home, what’s the point, you’re a failure anyway so why bother, and then the nausea comes and now I can bare get out of bed. But I ignore it, I get dressed, I get ready because I can do this, and then I puke when I’m getting close to the front door. And the voice keep telling me, I told you so, there’s no point for you to try, you are nothing, you have always been nothing and you will always be nothing. Why try and change that? People can’t change, they lie and deceive but never change. Just like you, you lie to your friends and family, you are not strong, you are not better, you’re still the same girl that loathes herself and wishes herself to be dead. And I try not to listen to that voice. I try but I can’t do anything. It’s like I’m paralyzed.
I’m not in control over my own body, I want to walk out the door but somehow I can’t, I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do, the things that worked before ain’t working no more. I’m hurting and I don’t know how to make it stop, I need school, I need to get good grades I need to be there. Failing is not supposed to be an option…
Nov 3, 2010
Happiness ^^
Today was a great day, some things did go wrong, some things made me sad and I wanted to curl up and cry under my cover, but besides that it was great day.
I spent most of today with two friends of mine, took a boat trip, had lunch before it and had dinner before it. Oh and I ate breakfast this morning :O
I could use a pair a pants that was to small this summer. ^^
Tomorrow me and one of my friends leave for my aunt and uncles :) Haven't seen them in a long time and I really miss them a lot. They are a part of my family, a big part of my family, even if I don't get to see them that often they are amongst the most important persons in my life.
I'll be going to bed now, hopefully I wont have to wake up 'cause I have to puke or have trouble sleeping 'cause I could be better off if I did.
I spent most of today with two friends of mine, took a boat trip, had lunch before it and had dinner before it. Oh and I ate breakfast this morning :O
I could use a pair a pants that was to small this summer. ^^
Tomorrow me and one of my friends leave for my aunt and uncles :) Haven't seen them in a long time and I really miss them a lot. They are a part of my family, a big part of my family, even if I don't get to see them that often they are amongst the most important persons in my life.
I'll be going to bed now, hopefully I wont have to wake up 'cause I have to puke or have trouble sleeping 'cause I could be better off if I did.
Oct 26, 2010
Update
So what's been going on?
Well school has started and I am currently trying to work on the Swedish assignment, not going so well. Got math tomorrow.
Went to "Moonfest" this weekend, it was awesome, to say it in one word. Met nice people, drank a lot, and had loads of fun ^^
Going to RAW Comedy Club on Saturday with my best friend. ^^ Looking forward to it.
What else. Um. Not much I can tell here. So for now
'til next time
Sam
Well school has started and I am currently trying to work on the Swedish assignment, not going so well. Got math tomorrow.
Went to "Moonfest" this weekend, it was awesome, to say it in one word. Met nice people, drank a lot, and had loads of fun ^^
Going to RAW Comedy Club on Saturday with my best friend. ^^ Looking forward to it.
What else. Um. Not much I can tell here. So for now
'til next time
Sam
Oct 20, 2010
Not something I want, need or care for.
So I haven’t been completely honest with people around me, and the only explanation for that is, I haven’t been honest with myself. Thus it’s a little hard to be honest with others when you’re not even honest with yourself.
I’ve been complaining a lot lately, mostly I’ve been bitching about my ‘love life’, though there has been little reasons for bitching about it. It’s been my escape-goat. And thus I haven’t put all my efforts into correcting others when they say something that doesn’t match up with how things really are for me.
So I’m asking the people around me that have been bashing on my ‘partner’ to please stop. It is uncalled for.
Whatever is between the two of us, is just that, between the two of us. I am sorry for ‘dragging’ others into it, it turned into something ugly. I wanted to tell someone, I wanted someone to talk to, and now it turned into this bashing against him.
Bashing him for things you say are ‘wrong’, when it is not up to you to decide that. We are not nor will we be boyfriend and girlfriend. We just are what we are. Now if that upsets some of you then too bad for you. I will not stop seeing the one person in this world that makes me feel safe, comfortable, relaxed, and liked, all at the same time, just because You decided that what WE did was wrong. And that the fact I WAS hurt is reason enough to bash him, someone You said were your friend, is not enough.
I am in a way honored You don’t want me to be hurt, but You also say that all you want is for me to be happy. And guess what, he makes me happy.
Yes he has hurt me, and he will most likely do something to hurt me in the future, and so will anyone else. You can’t please everyone all the time.
Nothing comes with just one side.
So this is me telling you to stop, I don’t want to hear how ‘bad’ he’s been treating me when he’s the reason I can get up in the mornings, I don’t want to hear about how he doesn’t like me when he’s the one that got me to realize I deserve more than what I had been given. So stop back-talking him when he is supposed to be a friend of Yours as well.
I’m glad you care, but Your negativity is not something I want, need or care for
http://elysium11.wordpress.com/2010/10/20/tired-drama/
I’ve been complaining a lot lately, mostly I’ve been bitching about my ‘love life’, though there has been little reasons for bitching about it. It’s been my escape-goat. And thus I haven’t put all my efforts into correcting others when they say something that doesn’t match up with how things really are for me.
So I’m asking the people around me that have been bashing on my ‘partner’ to please stop. It is uncalled for.
Whatever is between the two of us, is just that, between the two of us. I am sorry for ‘dragging’ others into it, it turned into something ugly. I wanted to tell someone, I wanted someone to talk to, and now it turned into this bashing against him.
Bashing him for things you say are ‘wrong’, when it is not up to you to decide that. We are not nor will we be boyfriend and girlfriend. We just are what we are. Now if that upsets some of you then too bad for you. I will not stop seeing the one person in this world that makes me feel safe, comfortable, relaxed, and liked, all at the same time, just because You decided that what WE did was wrong. And that the fact I WAS hurt is reason enough to bash him, someone You said were your friend, is not enough.
I am in a way honored You don’t want me to be hurt, but You also say that all you want is for me to be happy. And guess what, he makes me happy.
Yes he has hurt me, and he will most likely do something to hurt me in the future, and so will anyone else. You can’t please everyone all the time.
Nothing comes with just one side.
So this is me telling you to stop, I don’t want to hear how ‘bad’ he’s been treating me when he’s the reason I can get up in the mornings, I don’t want to hear about how he doesn’t like me when he’s the one that got me to realize I deserve more than what I had been given. So stop back-talking him when he is supposed to be a friend of Yours as well.
I’m glad you care, but Your negativity is not something I want, need or care for
http://elysium11.wordpress.com/2010/10/20/tired-drama/
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